How much should a Counsellor talk?

One of the most common things I hear from clients who may have had a less than positive experience of counselling in the past is some version of this:

“I ’ve tried counselling before, but I felt like I was doing all the talking. The therapist just sat there, saying nothing.” 

For many, this experience can be off-putting, especially when they’ve opened up about deeply personal and painful things. This isn’t to say that silence has no place in therapy, it has a very important one and when worked with skilfully often makes the space for unconscious experience to be integrated. But for me, counselling is fundamentally about dialogue, discovery and the nature of spontaneous conversation.

I don’t believe in sitting there like a blank screen. I believe in being present in the conversation as a real person, with interest, attentiveness, and deep engagement. My intention is that the people I work with feel met, heard and connected to, and that together we have an ever deepening conversation that charts new territory and makes a difference to the problems they're facing.

 

Therapy as a Conversational Encounter

I’m a Gestalt counsellor, which means I work with a strong focus on developing and facillitating your self awareness. Gary Yontef, a respected Gestalt theorist and author has stated that the singlular point of Gestalt therapy is awareness, because with awareness comes choices.

Gestalt therapy is inherently dialogic, it values the realness of the therapeutic relationship and the free flowing, unfolding nature of conversation. The way I work is influenced not only by Gestalt but also existential philosophy, where themes like freedom, meaning, uncertainty, and authenticity are explored as fundamental aspects of the human experience. I don’t work with set formula’s or prescribed protocols that are applied in a similar fashion regardless of the client. It’s genuine encounter and the surprising nature of what emerges that I prefer to draw on, because I know its what works. I see my job as helping you discover what you didn’t know about yourself, the discovering of which opens up new capabilities.

My work is tailored to the individual, shaped by who you are, what you bring, and what’s happening between us in the room. Some sessions are reflective with moments of quiet. Others are animated, searching and lively. My job is not to stay neutral or detached, but to be alive and responsive to what you bring

 

You Won’t Be Left Alone in the Silence

There’s a stereotype about therapists—arms folded, offering only the occasional “mm-hmm,” while the client fumbles through the dark. That’s not how I work. I speak. I ask questions. I reflect back what I hear. I might challenge you, gently. I might share how I’m affected by what you’re saying, if I think that will serve the work.

That said, I don’t dominate the conversation or talk over people. I listen closely, and I make room for silence when it’s meaningful. But I’m not silent because I have nothing to say, I’m silent when the moment calls for it. Otherwise, I meet you in the conversation

 

Therapy as a Shared Process

The most meaningful therapeutic experiences I’ve had as a client were those where the therapist was deeply engaged. Not leading, not performing, but present, curious and skillfully moving with what's coming up. These were the relationships where I discovered more of myself, not because I was told who I was, but because someone was really present with me, helping me turn deep complicated experience into language. That language that could then be explored and utilised. It's this that I try and embody for my clients.

f you’ve had counselling or therapy before that felt unsatisying, it might help to know that counselling doesn’t have to be that way.

If you’re curious about how I might help you, feel free to be in touch. I provide counselling and therapy in Berkhamsted and can be reached on 07717 515 013 or by email: sean@seanheneghan.com